Under a Greyscale Rainbow

or

“The unspoken middles of Depression”

“I’m okay…”

That’s my stock response whenever someone asks me, “How are you doing?”, sometimes the mask  is up, but sometimes it’s true.

These days, I don’t always know.

I’m in an in-between place, not in the deepest black hole of despair, but not singing in the rain with joy either. Life is happening, and that’s a good thing. It’s not great, I have worries and stresses, money’s tight and I’m trying to get my poetry collection* off the ground. (The last is a positive thing in my life, it’s good and slowly moving forward, but that’s not what this blog is about.)

People often talk about the highs and lows of depression, but the middle is often left out of the story. It makes sense because those are the average days, the middling days, the days that we tell ourselves we’re okay. But I find myself reflecting on these moments. The day in and day out of living becomes monotone, it becomes a wheel turning, it rolls on and on, a dullness sets in. Some people might say in response to this, “But that’s life and living it, and we all go through this.” We do, but the issue for us (the depressed) is that depression likes to sneak in, during these dull moments, and as we all know, Depression Lies. It whispers dark thoughts during your mundane moments and tries to you drag you down into the depths, down into the bottom.

This is why I’m bringing it up, it worries me that things are okay. I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out. I keep hearing depression whispering in my ear, and I know it’s lying to me, but it’s hard to drown it out when the dullness of the day to day weakens your will. Don’t misunderstand, I’m still fighting it off, I just find that the doldrums of life, the blah of the day to day can be as grinding on your soul sometimes, as being in the depths.

Lastly, I just want to say…

Fuck Depression.

*If you’re interested in checking out the Go Fund Me for my Poetry Collection, click HERE. Please Donate, if you’d like, you’ll be joining in my dream and getting a cool poetry book.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s